July 2017

Why are we often taught or encouraged not to cry by other members of society? Men may feel they’ll be seen as lacking masculinity, women may fear being branded as unprofessional, weak, or overly-emotional – depending on the setting they are in, and children may receive cruel taunts from their peers.

But tears are a wonderful thing, given to us by God. He designed us fearfully well, and that includes every last detail: not a mistake among them. Pause to think for a moment about what tears do for us.

They keep our eyes moist. A doctor recently put me on a prescription drug I’d never been on before. I woke up early this morning to discover one of the drug’s side effects in me – some of the driest eyes I’d ever had. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to grab some eye drops (something I almost never need to do).

They keep our hearts tender. Life circumstances over the past six weeks have driven me to cry far more than I have in a long time. While I am still careful about who I cry in front of (a trait I cannot seem to avoid), I know that releasing emotion through a good  cry – sometimes more than once a day – has helped me to keep a healthy perspective and a heart that flies above fear to continue loving.

They keep our souls open. No matter if they are tears of sadness, happiness, frustration, or some other emotion, they open a temporary chasm where, sometimes only for a moment, the deepest core of you and I can be touched by the fingers of eternity. In our rawness, with nothing to hide us, we are simply self before God and any other(s) who might witness our tears.

Yes… That is why we are afraid to cry. Because when we are that real, we are that fragile. And the one(s) listening to us cry have a choice. They can either mock, despise, or punish us for our tears. OR they can respect our need to open up and drive out what should not remain – the flushing of the impure or the painful from the eyes, the heart, the soul.

If you need to cry today, find a space in which to do it, whether alone or with others. And if you find yourself near a crying person today, recognize the power you hold in how you choose to respond: the power to crush and harm or the power to nurture health and healing.

In the comments, I invite you to share your thoughts about tears.

 

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Writers – and language speakers in general – have a tendency to fall back on go-to words that are comfortable for us. In the case of adjectives, this may mean that we describe too many things as big or small, nice or good, interesting or all right. These can become “weasel words” – words that sneak into our communication to make it commonplace and far less powerful than it could be. Why not use over-sized for big, enjoyable for nice, captivating for interesting, and passable for all right? Variety is the zest and spice of grand writing.

On that note, my next several posts under the label of the written stuff in coming months will highlight sets of rich words that you can build into your own writing (and speaking, when appropriate), to more specifically, meaningfully, or delightfully communicate to your audience.

Let’s start with five potent adjectives…

  1. Lavish: sumptuously rich, elaborate, or luxurious. (Wow, in that definition, there are a string of other great words!) When was the last time you experienced or imagined something lavish? And what elements of your current lifestyle might seem lavish to a family in a developing country?
  2. Chivalrous: having such qualities as courage, courtesy, and loyalty, especially used for men who are gracious towards women and honorable towards their enemies. Some would call this word archaic because it smacks of gender inequality and a bygone, sexist society. But it’s still a great word to use in writing historical pieces. And I, for one, find chivalrous men to be the best sort. 🙂
  3. Objectionable: offensive or causing disapproval and protest. This is another one that doesn’t sit well with some folks presently because it may accompany an intolerant attitude or judgmental set of ideals. But the truth is we all have opinions and we all find certain things to be uncomfortable to the point of being NOT OK. We must learn to screen such feelings and instincts for truth, but such feelings and instincts are there for a purpose and can be used to do a great deal of good when rightly acted upon.
  4. Ambivalent: having mixed feelings or being unable to choose between two or more things or courses of action. It’s ironic – how ambivalent I can feel about picking the right word in a given sentence while revising a draft. 🙂
  5. Leery: wary, suspicious, or distrustful of someone or something. Adding a variety of feeling words such as these can enrich the description of a character’s emotions, one the draws the reader further in to the character’s personal experience.

Happy vocabulary building! If you have other useful or enriching adjectives you have discovered or successfully used, please share them with us in the comments section below!

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One of the joint challenges and joys of being an English as a Second Language teacher lies in describing the meanings of words. English is a complex language, and trying to explain the different meanings of and ways to use various lexical items can be daunting. Why do we say that we put on our clothes and we put up with an annoying person but we put away our things and we put aside our differences? What’s the difference between “I’m sorry for what I did” and “He was a sorry excuse for a coach”?

A critical aspect of this teaching responsibility comes when I have to explain the true meaning of words that native speakers often overuse or use incorrectly. I dealt with this in a recent book club meeting, when the main character realized he hated someone and the author used the character’s thoughts to give a very clear definition of hate. I paused to tell the international student club members about how this was an accurate usage of the word hate, and therefore cautioned them about using it with other people, even in a joking sense.

I was thinking today about a couple more words we use a lot in a very casual manner. One is amazing and the other is awesome. I hear these words used in advertisements, announcements, meetings, and casual conversations. They can now be used to describe everything from movies to hot wings and haircuts to car engines. These things may be entertaining, delicious, intriguing, or impressive. But are they really amazing and awesome?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, amazing means “causing astonishment, great wonder, or surprise.” Awesome means “inspiring awe” and awe means “an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime.” In other words, things that are truly amazing will leave us speechless, feeling small in the face of the noble, the heavenly, the beautiful, or the powerful. (Hot wings are nice, but this is not the feeling I have when I eat them!)

So if everything is awesome or amazing, we should be falling over in shock and wonder, speechless at every turn. Yet, here we are: talking, texting, and face-timing with more repetitive words than ever before about things that are good and nice but not truly extraordinary.  I would like to suggest that we have so watered down what makes us feel amazed and awestruck that we don’t know how to stop and really notice the truly amazing, awesome, wonderful, and exceptional blessings God puts in our lives each day.

That’s what I want to model for my students, even as I answer their questions about English. I want them to hear me use amazing and awesome correctly because I am quietly, wonderingly observing every good gift and powerful deed that comes from the Giver.

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My hail-damaged car was declared totaled by the insurance adjuster, so off I went in my rental to find and buy a different car.** When speaking to my insurance agent over the phone, I was told to bring in the title of my surrendered car along with a photo ID in order to collect my coverage check. I drove home from work feeling sure that I knew where the title was, but when I opened the envelope I was expecting to find it in, it was not there. I pressed down a wave of panic, searching diligently until I found it.

This experience made me think about the importance of paper documents – and why we keep some and throw others away. Though our world has become increasingly filled with digital replacements (and some say eventually everything will be digital), many of the most important documents in our lives are written or printed on paper or some form of paper/plastic.

Car titles. Passports and drivers licenses. Leases and contracts. Wills and power of attorney papers. Birth, marriage, and death certificates. Insurance cards. Diplomas. Letters of recommendation. Hand-written notes from those we love or respect.

The above are not necessarily valuable because of what they are written or printed on. They are valuable because of what’s represented in that writing.

Ownership. Identity. Promises. Trust. Final wishes. Life, love, and leaving. Protection. Achievement. Good faith. Relationships.

The same holds true for a printed book. I could go and buy any new Bible or a copy of Great Expectations from the bookstore. But the feeling I’d have in picking up those new copies is not the same as the one I have while holding my grandfather’s worn Bible or my friend’s favorite copy of Dickens. The feel of holding the paper copies in my hands is comforting, both for the texture and smell of old leather and cloth covers – but even more so because of the people or memories they represent to me, and the solid writing found in these books.

This is what key written documents do: help us to hold the value of all life, and of our own life, in our hands.

And this is what well-written words do: help us to consider lives and thoughts of the past and present and think of how we will live in the present and the future.

The next time you look at or hold something hand-written or printed that is valuable to you, consider these words. Take a moment to be grateful for what you own, what you have been entrusted with, the people you love, and the blessings you have been given. Let the tangible remind you of the intangible and the unseen.

**Special thanks to Marc Alvarado and the staff of Dingman’s Collision Center, Aaron Stockton and State Farm, Andy Larson and his colleague Jean of Enterprise Rent-A-Car, and Quincy Hunt and the team at Beardmore Subaru for helping me through the maze of my car replacement process. God bless you all.

 

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A dear friend named Allie encouraged me to do something I very rarely do: go on a road trip. We set our sites on Winterset, Iowa – the little town where John Wayne was born. He is one of the most beloved American actors of all time and arguably the quintessential cowboy of cinema. Allie and I thoroughly enjoyed the drive and our time at the John Wayne museum, the nearby birthplace (a quaint four-room house), and the delightful square/downtown area of Winterset.

I knew a little about the life of John Wayne prior to this trip, and I had enjoyed watching parts or all of several of his movies. But there were a number of things about his roots and his life that struck me as I toured the museum, browsed books in the gift shop, and peered into the room where he was born.

He was a hard worker and an extremely considerate person. He went for the practical over the expensive and showy. He was quick to express his gratitude to others. And he was honest through and through.

But what struck me most profoundly was how he was a real “man of his word.” Even when it meant having to do things that might not seem the best for his career or when it was not easy, if the Duke (as so many called him) signed a contract or told someone he would do something, he followed through. He didn’t go back on an agreement or break his promise. That seemed to be one of his core personal principles.

I thought that deserved to be applauded. Presently, I hear a lot of people say they will do things or make big plans – only to pull out or otherwise let the other person/people down. True, there are things we cannot control, and we would all understand if, say, a father had to postpone an event or job because his child was being rushed to the hospital. But how often are we tempted to drop out of something or walk away from an agreement just because we don’t “feel” like it or it’s not convenient for us? Or because we pack our schedules too full/tight and over commit?

It’s good to ponder the rewards – if only in character-building – we receive when we do what we say we will do, even when we don’t feel like it or it’s not convenient.

The day before our planned road trip, Allie heard my car had been heavily damaged in a hailstorm. She asked if I still wanted to go or if I needed to back out. (She had already planned to drive, but wasn’t sure if I’d feel able to get away for the day.) As I have long been a person who hates to go back on my word once it’s given, I was determined to accompany her no matter what.

A lovely day with a gem of a friend. I’m so glad I followed through and didn’t miss the opportunity.

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