Distant Until (A poem based on Exodus 20:18-21)

The Law ferrets me out

In pain, in aching insufficiency, in fear,

Until the panic in my body is worse than the clamor before me,

Around me:

Heartbeats pounding in my ears, syncopated against thunder rumbles

From a great Judge I can’t see

Because my eyes are closed against the flashing that would blind me.

But what if He desires

That I see Him heartfully? What if He wants

Me to fear Him

Yet not be afraid?

What if He wants me

Near

For a moment,

For a lifetime,

And forever?

If I, too, would climb up,

Entering smoke and mist, what would

Await me

On the mountain?

Perhaps the understanding that I am

Known, patiently,

By the One Who has more chapters yet to write.