When it comes to the love between a man and woman, what is romance?

I had an opportunity to attend my older niece’s senior piano recital yesterday. An absolutely lovely experience. All of her pieces were well-done. But the one that she seemed most at home with and the one she had memorized was Romance Op. 24 No. 9 by Sibelius. (Recording of another young pianist playing the same piece can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wtxf8OT6z-U)

While I listened to her play this moving piece for the second time, my mind wandered to pose and answer the initial question.

I have heard some people use romantic to describe a type of atmosphere that makes everything cozy. And others have used romance to refer specifically to aphrodisiacs and only physical passion. Still others envision this term as the best of all that is airbrushed in the world of dreams and ideals.

But as I listened to Emma move from one measure to the next and heart-fully spill out Sibelius’s composition, I saw in my mind’s eye something more.

I think that true romance is the soft beauty of first, sweet attraction – and the pure core of devoted other-awareness that remains true when the storms of life blow over…or sometimes when those storms seem like they are stuck and will never leave us truly in peace.

Part way thought the piece, there is a clash, a crash, and a point where it seems like the piano is broken. And then, majestically, the beauty of the initial soul-theme returns to ride atop the last wind gusts at storm’s end. And finally, the bit of love’s first blush floats away in conclusion like a soft kiss offered in the light of a heart-melting sunset.

Such romance is more than eros. It morphs into agape. Or…perhaps…it was rooted in agape in the first place. For no other bond and type of love will ever be so beautiful, nor so persevering.

 The Voice of Melody has been released to the great, wide world. Yippee!

My heart was skipping for joy…until it tripped when it saw outstanding typos in this first printing. Ugh. I tried so hard to catch them all. But there they were, large as life. A commonly confused word, a misspelling, a date slightly off. It wounds the writer’s soul in me, like a knife to the gut.

One reader joked that this is how early buyers will know they have a true first edition of the book when I am famous one day. 🙂 And my dad assuaged my frustration with a simple text reply: “Perfection, where art thou?”

Where indeed?

It is the elusive dream I’ve been chasing all my life. The one where I’ll have even a single day without mistakes and I’ll not hurt another soul with my words or actions. And the one where I can say, without a single shred of doubt in my heart or second guessing in my mind, “Yes, this or that is truly very good.” The dream is elusive because it can never be achieved this side of heaven. And my human self must come to terms with that on a daily basis.

One of my colleagues, Irene Harper, listened to me share similar thoughts while we were chatting yesterday. And she told me about a piece of Native American bead-work she’d bought upon which the artist intentionally left one bead of a completely wrong color in an obvious place. This was done so that we would be reminded of the artist’s humanity…and that in it, we would see our own.

A beautiful thought.

Though I can correct them in the next round of printing, those typos still make me cringe a little. But they are also a reminding gift. We are each being refined and restored day by day, and there is mercy to meet us when we need it while we walk an imperfect path through life in a broken world.

(Photo credit: dreamstime.com)

One of the saddest memories from my early childhood is centered around a sweet puppy named Spinky. I was playing with him near the front stoop when my dad and brother came home, and Spinky got so excited at their return that he ran out to meet them. But Spinky, being all paws and ears, tripped in his running and rolled under the car’s tires.

I was shocked and very sad. Our family gathered in the living room to talk about what had happened. And I watched my father cry for the first time I can remember. At that moment, I realize now, I never harbored any question or thought of anger toward my father, such as, “Why did you kill our puppy?” or “How could you let this happen?” His tears just melted my heart, and I cried both for the loss of Spinky and for my dad’s sorrow.

Last night, I was praying for all the people across our country deeply affected by the Parkland school shooting, and I thought of both this family memory and a song called “God Weeps Too” by a singer named Eli. The chorus says: God weeps too, God weeps too // Though we question Him for all that we go through // Still it helps me believe and my pain it does relieve // When I think that God weeps too.

In the face of senseless tragedy brought on by the darkest angles of free will, it is easy for us to question and doubt and scream in our anguish – and to go about our lives in fear of what may await us around the next bend. I am not judging any of us for having these very natural responses. But if, even in the midst of the pain and the wrestling, I think of the tears in God’s own eyes and the breaking of His giant heart, it will often mute my questions and cool my ire.

For God’s heart beats for – and breaks for – each of the innocent victims and their families. But it also beats for and breaks for the young man who chose to kill. Because from the moment that each of those people were conceived – and even in the infinity before – God knew each name and each heart. And He has always loved them. He loves them still.

And the deeper we love, the more we hurt when those we love make bad choices.

So when we cry out in anguish, asking God if He sees us, I think sometimes it seems like He’s silent because He’s just nodding when all the tears rolling down His face have choked off His words for a little while.

Sometimes our gratitude is shown silently, through touch. When a terrified baby cries through the pain of her earaches and teething, her father rocks her in the wooden glider for two hours straight until the worst of the pain has passed and her whimpers slowly fade into the silence of sleep. He sighs and kisses her sweaty forehead. She is not old enough to say the words, but her actions have said, “Help me…. Stay with me… Thank you.” And her father, through his touch and calm actions, has said, “I won’t leave you. Thank you for trusting me.”

Sometimes our gratitude is shown quietly, through staying. A husband and wife have a necessary but difficult discussion. Though voices are raised at points and some very painful words slip out, neither leaves the room and they stick it out. And finally, they look into each others eyes and stretch hands across the table, fingers joining and squeezing with reassurance while the expression on each face says, “Thank you for loving me through my struggles and weaknesses.”

Sometimes our gratitude is shown directly, through approach-ability. One woman pours out a part of her heart and, at the end of the confession, says, “Thank you for allowing me to share.” And her friend, who has been listening respectfully, replies, “Thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me.”

Sometimes our gratitude is show unexpectedly, through selflessness. An adult daughter needs her dad’s advice, presence, and help, but she’s afraid to ask for those things – afraid she’ll be a burden to him by interrupting his day and taking up all of his time. But she risks asking anyway and thanks him for his assistance. Hours afterward, he surprises her by contacting her and saying, “I was thankful to be able to spend the extra time with you today.” Then she begins to cry because she is reminded that he sees what – or who – is most important.

In giving and receiving every different type of gratitude horizontally, each of us becomes a little bit more like the One we must ultimately be most grateful to.

I’ll do it after…   I’ll do it when…   I’ll do it once…   I’ll do it later…maybe.

Kids say these things. Mom calls, “Feed the pets!” And her son yells back, “OK…after I finish this level of my video game.” Or the daughter sighs, “I will – once I get to the end of this chapter.”

Employees say these things. The boss pops his head in the conference room and orders, “I need a fresh report on the breakdown by the end of the week. Start over, folks, and find the real reason for the problem!” Bob, the bravest to speak up first nearly every time, clears his throat and says, “Sure, sir. Right after we grab some coffee…and review the data again.”

Spouses say these things. “Honey,” whines Vanessa, “isn’t it about time you were nice to my mother and spoke to her civilly?” To which Jimmy fires back, “I will once she decides to respect me and the valuable work I do to support you!”

Singles say these things. Steven asks Monica, a girl he’s very interested in, “When are you going to trust me and be real with me?” She turns away and whispers, “I will after I clean up the messes in my life so I’m good enough for you…or any other man.”

Human beings say these things. The doctor looks up with concern and tells John Doe, “Things don’t look good. You’ve developed X health problem. I’ve been telling you for ten years now that you needed to do more of Y and less of Z.” And John sighs and says, “OK, Doc, after one more binge-fest during my upcoming family vacation.”

It’s easy to put things off and make excuses. It’s easy to ignore people and responsibilities. It’s easy to avoid what would better be faced. It’s easy to hold onto pain, anger, or fear like lifelines in the darkness.

It’s hard to start doing what we know we should…to trust…to change…to admit…to confess…to kneel…to lean.

And yet, it’s in the latter things that goodness is planted, positive change sprouts, and true growth occurs.

Christmas is right around the corner – and I have been meditating on a number of topics in addition to the usual, beautiful elements of the original story. Within these meditations, my thoughts have honed in on two converse Bible passages and part of an ancient song. And the word that comes to mind time and time again is: desire.

Desire can have a negative connotation. Why? Because it can be twisted and used toward ends that are ultimately selfish, harmful, short-sighted, or cold. And so the Bible teaches:

“…but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:14-15 (NIV)

Yet, it was not always like that. In the original plan designed by the Architect of the universe, each human was to fulfill his or her God-given desires with God-given things in God-given ways and in a God-given time frame. And it was very good.

Thus, when perfection was crushed by wrong-doing, God knew He had to do something to fix the problem. Not just a patch or a quick solution – but an answer to every one of life’s dilemmas that meet in the core of our broken hearts. His ultimate desire was what we would all come to desire too…though some of us will bravely and humbly choose to see and embrace His solution and others never will. Therefore, a verse from the ancient song translated into English says:

“O come, desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease
And be Thyself our King of peace”

The baby sleeping in the manger one night long ago was the answer to the riddle in the heart of every human in every nation from the dawn of time until this moment. And only by desiring Him will each human ever know true fulfillment, goodness, and the ability to seek peace and pursue it.

So I asked myself in my musings, “If I had a two-way mirror that could reflect out to either end of a spectrum to show the extremes of fallen desires and redeemed desires in their most basic forms in each aspect of the human experience, what would I see?” This is what I came up with:

Lust and Brokenness……………….Physical……………………………Beauty and Sweetness

   Jealousy or Envy…………………..Emotional………………..Enjoyment and Contentment

     Obsession and Anxiety………….Mental……………………………Peace and Gratitude

    Empty-hearted Idols……………Spiritual…………………God’s Goodness and Glory

That’s what it all boils down to: you and I were created to do the will of God for His glory. Only a path in that direction can redeem, feed, and fulfill our desires in a supremely good way. And through His gift to us this Christmas – and every moment of our lives – we can begin to receive and achieve it day by blessed day. As King David, an ancestor of Jesus, prayed long before the holy birth:

“I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.” Psalm 40:8 (NIV)

Amen. May we rejoice in the desires He gives us as we learn to use them for the good of all.